3-4-08
Jon Sobolewski
Sobeball.com
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Lebron and Kobe are patriotic, but who wins: Desire or Chastity? (Andrew K Bernstein) |
Picking the 30 best NBA players is like picking the hottest strippers in a large metropolitan area; it is wildly entertaining and thoroughly fascinating, but when it is all said and done, you just feel empty. Really, the only difference is that 19-year-olds at the strip club bring the quality up, while 19-year-olds ruin the quality of the NBA. Nobody is clamoring for a grizzly veteran stripper to come off the bench, but Big Shot Bob is a fan favorite every June. The debate can never truly be solved and the skills that you value differ from evaluator to evaluator. Some look for great dancers, others for great looks, and still others search for strippers that are in all actuality prostitutes. With the NBA, what means the most? A great scorer? Someone who makes his teammates better? An all-around player? Desire or Kobe? Chastity or Lebron?
To determine criteria for this enterprise is hideously challenging, but it came down to four ideas for me:
1. TALENT: What is their current peak? (not potential, but what is the best they could do right now) When they are ON, how great are they?
2. TEAMMATE: Does the player make their teammates better?
3. CRUNCH: It's crunch time, how much confidence does their team have in them?
4. CONSISTENT: It's 7-game series time, do they carry their team?
Finalizing the list was a real challenge, but when it came down to it, I only left off one player that really was a struggle and frankly I included two that I know in my head don't belong, but I just had to put them on because I still believe in them. Cutting Tony Parker was the first tough move, but Parker's lack of a jumper and the reality that he really doesn't get his teammates involved took him off the list. If a point guard doesn't distribute that well, how can he not have at a least a good shot? Don’t get me started on Jason Kidd either, the guy can’t guard anyone, can’t make an open shot, and is turning the ball over more than ever. Great trade Dallas, keep sitting him on the bench in crunch time or letting him miss big free throws.
30a. & 30b. Ray Allen and Ron Artest
Allen is getting long in the tooth, but I still think he is the best shooter in the game, so his inclusion isn't as crazy as Ron Artest's. But here is the thing, even though Artest still has Tyson potential, he can still lock down anyone on the wing in the league. Plus, outside of a few point guards and a few bigs, he could guard most of the league, regardless of position. His tenacity, physicality, and defensive intelligence are still so strong that the Spurs talked to the Kings about him.
29. Brandon Roy
Roy is great in the mid-range and is the key to Portland's resurgence. Roy proves that GMs shouldn't draft foreigners or babies because of what they think they can be. Roy was the real deal coming out and when all is said and done, will still be the best player from his draft class.
28. Marcus Camby
Yes, Camby is more fragile than a 84-pound A-student freshman girl who accidentally got put into the football team's PE class and still competes because she wants to be valedictorian. However, Camby is the only reason that Carmelo Anthony can survive without playing any defense or rebounding. Camby is grabbing 14 boards a night and is almost blocking four shots each time out.
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Yeah, check out Jose Calderon. (Victor Baldizon) |
27. Jose Calderon
Who? Huh? Yeah, the smartest player in the league with his 9 assists per night with a 5.37 assist/turnover ratio. Calderon stepped in and took control of the Raptors in TJ Ford's absence and while Chris Bosh was performing unspeakable acts in bathroom stalls to get into the All-Star game. If you haven't seen Calderon play, check out his unbelievable leadership, decision-making, vision, and eye for great shot-selection.
26. Josh Howard
“The reason that NBA executives need to consider college production from guys who can fit the physical mold of the NBA.”
25. Manu Ginobili
The reason the NBA resembles soccer.
24. Al Jefferson
Jefferson is bound to be forgotten in Minnesota like the country “Forgot about Dre.” He is very-talented and consistent, but people just seem to not recognize his production. This means nothing and I’m just saying it, but Jefferson is giving Minnesota 21 and 12 and KG is giving Boston 18 and 10. Sure KG doesn’t need to do as much, but Jefferson is 23 and KG is 31. I’m just saying.
23. Josh Smith
So he is apparently a giant asshole and potentially a cancer in the locker room, but he blocks shots better than anyone in the league and does so, not only from the weakside, but also on his man. Smith isn’t too bad finishing either; he can kinda get off the floor a little. At 6’8”, Smith is one of the most imposing presences in the paint in the league.
22. Caron Butler
I love Agent Zero, but it sure showed a lot when he was out and Butler carried the Wiz. Butler can do everything and was also part of a completely lopsided trade involving Kwame Brown. I guarantee if Memphis would have traded Kwame Brown away before the deadline, they would have stolen a player as good as or even better than Butler or Pau Gasol. Instead they’ll let the “luckiest trade part ever” walk just for cap room.
21. Chris Bosh
Nice player, never a superstar, always a whore.
20. Yao Ming
Just another perfect example of the damage China can cause. Hey, Commi’ bastards give the guy a break. People should be betting what the Chinese will destroy first: the US economy, the ozone layer, or Yao.
19. Paul Pierce
Paul Pierce’s NBA career perfectly matches his alma mater; always looks great, but never wins anything important.
18. Carlos Boozer
Boozer has the sweetest last name ever for winos ages 18-35 and is further proof why GMs need to stop drafting on upside potential and draft with the common sense rubric. How great would a Utah-Cleveland NBA finals be with Boozer heading back to Cleveland where he could have been the jelly to Lebron’s peanut-butter.
17. Amare Stoudemire
I love how Amare finishes and nobody can slam like him, but what else does he do? As a mere physical presence alone, he is phenomenal, but do you see him getting better and refining his game?
16. Carmelo Anthony
He might be the best player in the league if the NBA played by FIBA rules, but Melo only gets to play in international competitions so often, so until the Nuggets move to Estonia, he better start playing some defense.
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"Why can't I pain the White House black?" |
15. Agent Zero, Hibachi, the Black President
If every player was as quirky and fun as the Black President, more people would watch the NBA than the NFL. Gilbert Arenas light it up on the floor, in the kitchen, and in congress. Forget Obama, I’m all for “one nation under Gil” and he can “paint the White House black.” At least I’d vote for him out of love, instead of being scared that I might be called a racist. Arenas can get NBA Jam “ON FIRE” faster and longer than anyone not named Kobe.
14. Chauncey Billups
Does anyone else think Chauncey Billups thanks God daily for Rick Pitino giving up on him after 50 games?
13. Baron Davis
When Baron Davis is dialed in (like the Dallas series) he might be the best point guard in the league. He is physically unguardable for any point guard in the league when he is on his game. Its too bad that happens as often as ESPN stops promoting the NFL.
12. Tracy McGrady
McGrady is making people take notice of the Rockets hot play and now that he is finally getting healthy he leads his team on a15-game win streak and counting (as of 3-4-08). This is the one guy would could fly up this list if he stays healthy and could enter the Lebron-Kobe debate. This guy is still around and he is still only 28.
11. Deron Williams
This guy could be much higher in the span of three months, but let me see one more dominant playoff performance from a guy who was picked on for being a little chubby. Chubby guys can play too; I know this for a fact.
10. Dirk Diggler
He weirdly can’t shoot threes anymore, but what big man can do what he does? What he can still do is look and sound like he belongs in porno.
9. Allen Iverson
He is having a super year in Denver and who could believe that AI is actually flying under the radar? This Denver squad is one thousand times more talented than the 2001 Philly squad that AI took to the finals, but this team could miss the playoffs. What strange justice is this?
8. Dwyane Wade
Wildly talented and headed for devastating career-threatening injuries, Dwyane Wade is as talented almost anyone, but he is shrinking away in Miami and without the 2006 NBA Finals referees. Could Michael Beasley come in and help Wade next year or will Wade head elsewhere in two years when he can opt out of his deal?
7. D-12
Dwight Howard is freakish and in two years should be the best big man in the game, but after a few years of drooling I’m finding chinks in his armor; I have character questions. Howard is getting ripped by his coach for getting lazy on defense and isn’t the perfect Christian that he preaches to be. I’m ok with him having a kid being unmarried, but quit being a hypocrite, at least have your name in the child’s birth announcement in the Orlando Sentinel, stop wearing a W.W.J.D. bracelet, and be proud of your child being born, not defensive about it because you have to eat your own words. It absolutely doesn’t matter that he has a kid out of wedlock (what NBA player doesn’t?), but with Van Gundy rightfully calling him out and his potentially flawed character I am starting to have doubts if he will ever be the leader of a championship team. I’m sorry folks, I have to send a message to my buddy Glum: Sorry brah, he aint wit’ her, cuz she’s a gold diggah.
THE GREAT POINT DEBATE
6. Steve Nash
He still can’t guard anybody, but he still makes his teammates better than anybody else could make them.
5. Chris Paul
CP3 has grasped the title of top point guard in the league. It isn’t a McCain-Huckabee sort of race, but Paul narrowly edges out Nash for top floor general in the league because he has simply outplayed Nash in the head-to-head matchups. Plus, Nash now has the burden of Shaq clogging up the lanes and preventing him from doing what he does best.
THE GREAT BIG MAN DEBATE
4. Kevin Garnett
KG still has it and that people didn’t totally forget about him in Minnesota is proof of what kind of a stud this guy is. He is still dominant on the offensive end, but the difference he has made in Boston on the defensive end is fantabulous. KG needs to stay healthy, but with Golum from the Lord of the Rungs coming in from the Clips and PJ Brown signing on, the Celtics will make it to the ’08 Finals.
3. Tim Duncan
Everything about Tim Duncan is boring, so this paragraph will be too. He just wins and he doesn’t say much (except to refs), but would you take him over these two?
THE GREAT DEBATE
Tupac or Biggie? Pacino or De Niro? The Kobe-Lebron debate ranks as the current top bar debate. It tops great questions like: What is the best porn site? Who won the Stanley Cup last year? Man beers or fu-fu micro-brewery beers that people only drink because they want to be trendy? SIDE NOTE TIME!!! “When did people all of sudden decide that microbreweries were cool? ‘Oh wow, I love strawberry-banana pale wheat ales! They make me get in touch with my inner Va-jay-jay.’ There is a reason every bar still serves Bud or Coors or Miller; because people with penises need something to drink. The only time it is not acceptable to drink anything not made by Miller, Bud, Coors, Iron City, or Yuengling is when you go Guinness, the only acceptable alternative to regular beer. SIDE NOTE OVER. Kobe-Lebron is this generation’s defining debate; although they are at different stages in their career with Lebron having more room to get better at this point. I split the four criteria that I previously mentioned before, but I will give the edge to Lebron because he has never whined like a little bitch before, but more importantly he does more than Kobe does. The statistics certainly say it and his value to his team says it.
2. Kobe Bryant
Black Mamba’s 81 is sick, absolutely sick, but I need to see the Lakers win it this year for me to give Kobe the nod, so I state this now: IF THE LAKERS WIN THE TITLE I WILL ADMIT FAULT AND MOVE KOBE TO NUMBER ONE.
1. Lebron James
I will move Kobe to number one, but there is an asterisk there; Lebron will continue to get better. Lebron’s jumper will get better and ask yourself how good he would be if he had a lethal jumper? The best ever? What if he fully commits on the defensive end and starts to dominate like he could there? The best ever? I say no, but he starts to sniff MJ. Lebron’s combination of athleticism and physical strength is absolutely astounding and he may not look as smooth as Kobe does, but he can’t be stopped going to the hoop. He is too physically dominant to ever be stopped consistently on the way to the rim. The shooting angle also doesn’t work here because it is true that Kobe has a far greater outside shot, but Lebron has a significantly better field goal percentage. I don’t care how James scores his points, he simply does, and is totaling them more often and more efficiently than Kobe is right now. And finally, Lebron could probably one day average a triple-double and lead the league in scoring at the same time. Kobe could never do that, but with Lebron scoring 30 every night out and basically notching eight boards and eight assists every game, he absolutely could.
